I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
