My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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