Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
