I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
