I just cut my nipple shaving
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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