i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
