we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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