God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
