My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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