Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
MIDGETS
????
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
