Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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