that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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