I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
