Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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