I skipped work to stalk him.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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