I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
