Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
