Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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