I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The struggles of a small town man whore
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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