Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think my fart just growled at me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
