Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
