I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
