Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
