I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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