the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
