She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
