You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
