Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
