My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
its liver damage thursday
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
