so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
