Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
