I hate your face
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
