careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Never underestimate the power of titties
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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