ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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