1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
