Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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