i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
