in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
