i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
where are my eyebrows?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
