Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
