My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i dont even know how to be here
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
