I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
