I must be too annoying 4 u.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
