perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
