porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
