it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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