can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
