im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You ate ashes out of my bong
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
