How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What a dumb baby whore.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
