please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
