yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
