Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
