I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
