saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
