why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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