I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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